Closing the Door

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.

                                                         -- Winston Churchill

Every now and then I see something on Face Book that says something cheesy about just being who you are and not to worry about what other people say.  I hate those kinds of meaningless quotes.  I mean, really. Who forgets what people say or think about them?

If there is one thing I admire about politicians,  (yes…I actually thought of one thing!)  …it is the fact that they persevere through the election process when there is always a large group of people who hate them…. whoever they are.  I just finished reading “Killing Lincoln” and I was surprised to read about how hated he was.  I shouldn’t have been surprised because, after all, he presided over the country during the Civil War.  But now, years later, he is our most beloved president.   It’s just hard to think of anyone really hating him.

A modern day artist and author, Sabrina Ward Harrison (Spilling Open; The Art of Becoming Yourself) wrote this:

I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it –

                                                            And that’s all I got.

Now that’s an honest thing to say. 

The last few nights I gave some serious thought to not writing anymore. I received a hurtful email from someone I admired, and even though I was pretty sure there was an underlying reason that she wrote what she did that had nothing at all to do with me… something that she said has undermined my confidence. 

At first I let it go on by.  But then, I started thinking that maybe others felt like her. What I say when I write might be getting under someone else’s skin too…even when I am trying hard to be respectful, which is something that I feel is not often practiced these days.

So, I have this dilemma.  I started writing to purge.  I could tell that my family was getting tired of listening to me hold court on some political subject or religious view when we got together…and frankly, I don’t express myself very well verbally.   I can write things down and get rid of it. 

Sometimes I have to do a little research to get it right and that always helps me sort things out.  But whatever I write, I almost always feel better.  Even this little confession is giving me a forum to make a decision.

Barbara Kingsolver (The Poisonwood Bible) said:

"Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer."


But does anyone really care? 

Today, my 88-year-old father came over for Sunday dinner.  He tried to talk to us about the only things left that he could have an opinion about; only to have us all tell him that he was wrong to feel as he did.  He felt ‘light headed,’ he said.  “You don’t drink enough water,” we told him.  He said, “The meals at the assisted living are tasteless.” “You eat too much junk food. You ruin your appetite.”  Soon he sat quietly eating his meal, offering nothing else up for discussion.  

Dad doesn’t make much of an effort to connect with anyone anymore.   Maybe that is one of the signs of old age…deciding that your thoughts and ideas have no merit. 

So, here I am.  I can write about events like air shows, great restaurants that you might like to try, or even how to make goat cheese.  And you might read.  At least I won’t offend you. 

Or I can just be myself, a person who loves to write about meaning in something as mundane as exercise or babysitting or running out of gas on the freeway.

And I really hope that it’s OK with you.  If it isn’t, I hope I can take the cheesy advice I hate to see on Face Book.