Irene was standing down the road
in front of our house waving at me.
She had been gone all summer and I was so glad to see her! I tried to get out of my chair to go
greet her, but for some reason I could not move. I couldn’t even raise my hand to signal her to come to
me.
Looking down, I discovered the
little notebook that I write my reminders in laying in my lap unopened. Momentarily distracted from Irene, I
thought that I had better take a look at what I needed to do today. Again, I
could not move!
It was then that I noticed that
some prankster had lashed my arms and legs to the chair I was sitting in. I found myself smiling at the joke, but
when I looked up to see Irene walking the other way, I became desperate. Couldn’t she see that I needed some
help here? What kind of a friend
was she to casually greet me and then leave me here stranded?
My heart began to race as I
struggled to move! But I was bound
to the chair so tightly that no effort I made seemed to make a difference.
And then, I woke up.
Yesterday, Bill and I read Chad
Hymas’ new book on our drive into Salt Lake. It is well written and thought
provoking, but I didn’t realize how much it had touched me until last night
when I found the reprieve of escaping from a horrific nightmare; a nightmare
from which some people can never wake up.
Chad is a quadriplegic. His book, Doing What Must Be Done,
is an honest account of living the daily challenges that most of us will never
have to face. At every turn of the
page, Chad reveals obstacles that he, and others like him, face everyday.
The fact that his condition was
brought about by a single thoughtless moment triggering an avoidable accident,
left us both wondering how many times we have tempted fate in a similar way; an
introspection that Chad would condemn.
This, for me, was what made the
book a quality read. I have read
many books that generated empathy for people who live with Chad’s trials. That cannot be discounted. But how does it change my
circumstances? What can I take
from the reading beyond a warning that “…but for the grace of God, go I?”
To illustrate how Chad makes his
personal experience something that is enriching and meaningful for everyone,
let me quote from his book.
“The hydraulics failed and a
one-ton bale of hay landed on me and broke my neck. I need to ask the larger question. Did this happen for a purpose – or can I create a purpose
for what has happened?
‘That was then; this is now’
isn’t just some trite statement tossed flippantly about to avoid dealing with
something. It is an important
phrase. What has happened has
happened. Why it
happened is good for our learning and development, but not worth two cents if
we just use it to beat ourselves up.
Instead of ‘why,’ ask ‘how’ or ‘what.’ … How do I deal with
it? How will
I turn the circumstances of the accident …to an advantage? What will I do to be
more productive and successful?”
I added the bolding in the
preceding quote. It is the
sentence that underscores the accepting of our own reality, whatever it is. Dwelling on mistakes, poor judgment or
ugly events from our past is what paralyzes the average person, making them
incapable of solving the problems that are unique to every person’s life.
Chad’s simple statement, “what
has happened has happened,” made me stop reading. Bill and I talked about it for some time before going
on. I told him that I
suddenly recognized why I could not progress in a certain situation. I was spending too much of my energy
and emotion in regret, holding on to what I had wanted to happen instead of
trying to work my way out of the problem before me. In fact, I think, as simple as it sounds, it is the answer
to my future happiness, in more than one part of my life.
Another personal thing that the
reading of Doing What Must Be Done did for me was in helping me to
recognize my failure to act with empathy toward those with handicaps. This flaw in my character was enacted
for me in the dream, when Irene, while friendly, walked away, leaving me to
figure things out for myself. Irene would never do that, but I think I
have. Chad clearly speaks to the
frustration and even anger he feels when people who could help make his life a
little easier by some kind of small interaction turn away, either out of
embarrassment or indifference.
I have to say that just knowing
Chad has helped me overcome some of my shyness. Now that he has opened his heart and told us how it feels,
how dare we look the other way?
Until now, I did not want to treat a disabled person any differently
than I would anyone else, but I think, in reading, I realized that I am not
even that aware of my ‘able’ friend’s needs. Perhaps I am lacking in compassion
all the way around. And I think I am not alone.
Which leads me to one of the
sweetest parts of the book, Chad’s recognition of who the amazing person is that
he is married to, his wife, Shondell. Beyond all of the things I learned about living with
the challenges of a disability, I was most impressed with Chad’s recognition of
the need to sincerely appreciate the love and sacrifices of others. He dedicates a whole chapter to telling
us how wonderful Shondell is. He tells us about other members of his family and
friends as well.
I told Chad the other day that I
was proud to know him. I am proud
to know Shondell as well. They are
wonderful people who have much to teach us all.
For Chad my nightmare is his
reality. But as Chad’s
mentor, Art Berg, a C6-quadriplegic who has since passed away, said:
“Dreams are never destroyed by
circumstance. They live or die in
your heart. My dreams come true
not in spite of my circumstance but because of it…For those of us in this life
who are afraid to change, life will change for us. ...Dream new dreams or dream
old dreams in new ways…”
Chad’s book Doing What Must Be
Done, is being released Monday, March 5th.
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